Posted tagged ‘giving yourself permission’

Are You Living the Life You Want

August 21, 2009

What does your ideal life look like?  If you were to carry on living your life like you are today, will you feel fulfilled and satisfied in 1 year, 5 years, 10 years?  What is getting in the way of you living the life you want?  What is your relationship like with yourself?  These are some of the questions that I ask my clients when they come in and see me. Many people feel dissatisfied with their life as they know it, yet feel powerless at changing it.

The exercise of looking at how you are currently living your life and how disconnected you are from what you want can be quite eye opening.  Many of my clients blame excessive demands from work, family, and other expectations as the reason why they are off track.  Others will cite their own habits and beliefs as the culprit.  Regardless of what the reasons are, many people are unhappy in their lives.

How are you doing with these questions?  Do you feel on track and excited about the direction your life is going or do you feel disconnected and out of touch with yourself and what you want?  Before you can change anything in your life, you need to develop awareness of what is not working for you.

Awareness begins with developing a healthier, closer relationship with you. This relationship can be nurtured through tuning into the four ways that your body speaks to you: your physical body, your mind, your emotions and your self.

Your physical body:  How does your physical body communicate with you?  With sensations such as hunger, thirst, pain, fatigue and others your body lets you know when it physically needs some attention.  Do you listen to your physical body when it needs something or do you put it off until you have more time to deal with the need?

Your mind:  Sometimes called the “ego”, your mind reminds you of rules, expectations and norms of behavior that “should” be followed. It is also referred to as mental intelligence, knowledge and reason.  The mind shows up in self-talk and is often quite critical in how it speaks to you.   “You should have done this, you could have done that,” etc.  Becoming aware of your inner critic is very helpful in developing a healthier relationship with yourself

Your emotions: Emotions are what make you human and often occur below the surface of your consciousness. Feelings of sadness, frustration, anger, joy, excitement and others can create sensations in your body that often go unnoticed.   When you become aware of and name the emotions that you are feeling, you can learn effective ways of dealing with them.  Often times, when we are under stress, our lives are ruled by our emotions and we become more reactionary rather than approaching the situation from a calm perspective

Your self: This is the voice of the inner you.  The “you” that may not be heard because your mind or emotions take over.

    The key to developing a healthier relationship with yourself is to become aware of all of these voices and noticing which one you give priority to. What are the messages you are getting from your physical body, your mind, your emotions and your self?  Do you give yourself permission to listen to and act on what is right for you?

    Remember, as you venture forth on your journey through life, be gentle on yourself.  It is only with awareness that you can change anything.  It is through reflecting on how you are living your life, telling yourself the truth and being with yourself in the present moment that allows you to discover another beautiful layer of you.

    Blog with you later.




    July 31, 2009

    Summer is here and in full swing.  The urge to sit back, relax and do nothing is strong.  Yet I have many things that I need to DO.

    I have to admit, I have never liked working in the summer.  It probably stems from when my kids were home and I found the summer was a time to connect with them, relax and enjoy the summertime pace.  Once school started back in September there was a lot of craziness in trying to balance their school, my work, extracurricular activities, driving them everywhere all the while trying to stay fit, healthy, relaxed and NICE.  Even now that my children are grown and out of the house, the relaxed pace of summer is nice.  There is more sunshine, longer days, and fitness and staying healthy are easier to achieve because it just is.  I love to golf, swim, hike, hang out by the pool, go to the lake etc. The TV is never on in our house and life is all about being and staying healthy.

    I was reflecting last week that too much of my life revolves around “DOING”.  I feel a constant nagging at me to do this, do that, run here, run there – staying on the constant never ending treadmill we call life.  My life this summer has been a conflict between the doing and the being.  I notice that my moments of brilliance have come from “BEING” in my life. I know I have many things to do, however my writing, my joy and my inspiration have come from hanging out with friends,  family and mostly myself.  My greatest connection to myself has come when I allow myself to “BE”.  When I give myself permission to trust that I will get the impulse to take INSPIRED ACTION when the time is right, I no longer need to stress about “getting things done”.

    What is INSPIRED ACTION? For me it means that I do only that which I feel inspired to do.  When I set the intention that I want to achieve a certain goal by a certain time and then “let it go”, it is amazing how the steps unfold easily and effortlessly.  When I force myself to take action, alot of this action comes from a “should” mind set and getting the job done takes much longer and in my mind is not nearly as good.

    For example, I started writing this blog several times because I knew I wanted to get one written this week as I am going on holidays next week.  Lately I have not wanted to be in front of a computer writing blogs, I want to be outside enjoying the beautiful summer weather.  However, tonight, my husband and I went out for a lovely dinner with friends, had some great conversation, enjoyed some good food and some good wine and really connected with them on their journey through life.  When I got home, I felt the impulse to write this blog about my challenges with always “doing” what is expected of me instead of “BEING” in my moments and in my life NOW.  As I reflect on the challenges of developing the content for my new website, meeting deadlines (self-imposed) and being in integrity with what I believe I realize that once again, I AM DEVELOPING DEEPER AWARENESS of how I want to be in my life.  Only through this awareness can I change and grow.

    So off I go now to enjoy some well deserved time off with my husband and youngest daughter. I feel so blessed to have them in my life and look forward to being with them for the next week.  While we are away, I am giving myself full permission to not think about work, content development, clients, workshops, writing my book or anything related to my work. However, what I know is that I love what I do and I am constantly being inspired by my day to day moments – so you may find me with a pen and paper scrolling notes while catching a few rays of sunshine at the lake.   This will truly be “inspired action”.
    Take care all, enjoy next week and I will blog with you the week of August 11th.

    Happy Summer


    When You Focus on What You Want: The How Will Show Up

    July 15, 2009

    It is amazing how many of my clients limit themselves in their dreams because they do not have any idea of HOW they will achieve them. The reality is:

    When you gain clarity on WHAT you want, the HOW will show up.

    What do you want?

    Write out one specific goal you would like to achieve


    What will MY goal look like when I accomplish it

    Imagine you were to take a picture of your life when you have accomplished this goal, what will be happening, who will be there?

    What will it feel like when I achieve this goal,

    Where in your body do you feel it

    Have you had that feeling before, if so, remember that feeling and reconnect with how it feels

    What will I hear from myself and others as I accomplish this goal

    Imagine that you have accomplished your goal – ask yourself  “What am I saying to myself when I achieve this goal and what will others be saying about me”

    Create a vision board with pictures that represent what your life looks like when you have  accomplished this goal

    Write out statements of how you feel as you work towards this goal e.g. relaxed, confident, trusting

    Let your imagination go

    Have fun with this process.

    Sometimes, our minds take over during this process and we begin to doubt our ability to accomplish our goals:

    Acknowledge your mind’s attempts to keep from you dreaming about the possibilities.  Say “Thank you Mind for trying to give me a dose of reality, but I want to keep dreaming about the possibilities” .

    Some people that think it is silly to dream and that they will only be disappointed when they do not get what they want.  This is a very limiting belief.

    People who allow themselves to get into the whole experience of “acting as if” the dream has already been achieved are noticeably more excited about life as they actively pursue their dreams.

    People who “go for their dreams” are more likely to achieve what they want because they give themselves permission to.

    Imagine the possibilities and create the life you want.

    My question to you is:

    Are you giving yourself permission to dream – to go for WHAT you want or are you stuck in trying to figure out how to get what you want and need in life.

    The purpose of this post is to help you develop awareness around your beliefs about getting what you want in life.  Only through awareness can we change anything.

    Have fun with your process of discovery.

    In my next blog, I will give you an example of how I applied this formula to one of my big goals.  Take care and I will blog with you later this week.


    Permission to be Negative – Expanded

    July 7, 2009

    I have had a few people email me about my posts “Giving Yourself Permission to be Negative” and “Shining Light on the Shadow”. They raised the question about when is enough enough so that the “Law of Attraction” does not become attracted to the negative energy  you are releasing.  To make it clear – giving yourself permission to be negative is a way of releasing the energy that gets built up in your system when you do not express it. It is like trying to keep a cork on a bottle of carbonated soda you have just shaken.  Allowing the pressure to escape will result in a calm presence in the bottle afterwards.  If however, you do not release the pressure, it can take a long time for the pressure to release.

    What are your beliefs about being negative? You may think that if you say something negative that you will attract negativity in your life.  Yet, how much negativity do we carry around that is unexpressed because we fear saying it out loud.  Where does this unspent negative energy go?  When do we give ourselves the opportunity to rid our bodies of this negative energy?  I do not profess to know the answers to these questions for you.  Only you can decide what is right for you. My goal is to help you develop some awareness of where the negativity goes.

    Remember – There are safe and appropriate ways to release your negativity that do not impact others. You can do this in the privacy of your own home, your car, with a trusted friend who recognizes that you are just venting steam or out on a walk in nature where you can be nurtured by the beauty around you.  What I have found is after I give myself full permission to feel all that I need to feel – “warts and all”, I find myself at one with the world and feel like I can do anything. The negativity has disappeared and I reclaim my perspective that all is right with the world.  From that place I can move mountains.

    I welcome your thoughts and feedback on giving yourself permission to be negative.  What do you notice works for you? Does the thought of letting yourself be negative scare you?  Is this a new concept for you or is this something that you allow yourself to do regularly.

    Let me know, I would love to hear from you.


    Shining Light on the Shadow

    July 3, 2009

    Many of us live in fear of something. Fear that we will be rejected, fear of what people will think or feel about us, fear of failure, fear of success, fear of being alone, fear of being in relationship etc.   This fear sits like a shadow or cloud over our heads that we know and  feel is there but we are too often scared to look at.

    Did you ever have problems going to bed as a child because you were scared that there was something living in the closet or under the bed?  Monsters living in the shadows.  Then your mom or dad would come in and turn on the light and you could see there was nothing to fear.

    For those of us who are living in fear, to truly let go of our fears we need to shine light onto the shadow i.e. that which truly scares us.

    So what does this look like? As I wrote in my blog “Giving yourself permission to be negative”, we need to get into it.  Last week, we had a family situation that came up  and it conjured up a tremendous amount of fear in me.  I kept on getting into the worried state and then telling myself to “not worry”, then it was like telling me not to think of a “black horse” all I could do was concentrate on the worry.  I realized I did not want to look at what was really scaring me.  When I gave myself permission to be really scared and to get into the “worst case scenarios” of what could happen, things changed.

    For me, when I did this I got quite emotional.  The fear became very real and I cried and cried.   I let myself feel it and did not try and stop it.  This process lasted only about 3-5 minutes.  Then, I felt a shift.  The fear was  less intense and I felt a physical release in my body.  Then I imagined the word peace and allowed the feeling of peace to fill my body.

    If you want to shine the light on the shadows of your fear, try the following:

    Go into “Cross body posture” (hands and feet crossed)

    Close your eyes

    Take a deep breath

    Allow yourself to feel the fear of the situation

    Really get into it

    This will often get worse before it gets better

    Notice when you feel a shift away from the intensity of the fear

    Fill the space with a positive new feeling e.g. peace, freedom, love

    This exercise helped me cast light on the shadow. I saw what was truly scaring me, not from a place of needless worry (repetitive thoughts that rehash the same thing over and over) but from a place of genuine exploration into the fear.   What I found since I did this exercise, is that I am not worried about the situation.  I am in a place of power where I can make rational decisions based on what is in front of me Now.

    Let me know if you give this a try.  When I do this with clients, they often say that  “I was scared that I would go into the darkness and never get out but I was was amazed at how quickly the fear released and I was able to move onto what I wanted i.e. peace, freedom”.

    I look forward to hearing from you.

    Blog with you later.


    Are you Grounded?

    June 22, 2009

    How many of you know what it means to be grounded? What does it look like for you?

    Being grounded is knowing I am here, in my body, in this space and time, in this moment.  I am present in my life – NOW.

    This can be challenging to achieve at the best of times.  Just this morning, I woke up and began thinking about  my plans for launching my new website, writing my blog, drafting my newsletter< I was no where in my body now.  I noticed I had not even said good morning to my body, felt the energy flow through my veins, stretched to welcome the day or even opened my eyes. Wow, even though I work with “being in the moment” every day, it is a challenge to keep myself present to all that I am doing.

    So this morning when I felt so disconnected I asked myself:

    In this momentwhere am I?

    Answer – trying to be here

    In this moment – where is here?

    Answer – in my bed

    In this moment – What do I see?

    Answer – beautiful Mount Paul outside my window

    In this moment – How do I feel?

    Answer – tired and have an anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach

    In this moment – What do I want to do?

    Answer – Breathe and get into my body, follow my energy and let myself sleep longer if I need to

    Then I had the little niggly in the back of my mind that said, you should really get up you have so much to do, you are being lazy, where is your energy, what is wrong with you this morning?

    In this moment – What do I want?

    Answer – I want to listen to my body, get connected with my moments, honor my inner voice, be present.

    In this moment – What can I do now?

    Answer – Breathe, breathe and breathe some more.  BE mindful in what I am doing.

    From there, I got up, took the dog for a walk, took lots of deep breaths, paid attention to my actions of walking, breathing and worked on keeping my mind still.  When I got into the office today, I was much more grounded – I was here.  I know I have all these things to do but I love that I am following my energy to get them done.  I feel here – at least for this moment.

    Blog with you later.  Enjoy your day


    Letting it go

    June 16, 2009

    Well today is a day where I know I need to “Let it go“.  As I look at my list of  things to do and find myself scattered in getting them accomplished I realize that I have many “should’s” on my plate.  It is time to let it go.

    So what does that mean?  Well for me, letting it go means – giving myself permission to not do any of them.  When I feel scattered I know I am not “in the moment”, I am in worry or obsession about what I need to do and lose sight of what I want to do.  So for today, this is how using my tools looks for me.  I am taking time with each question to be with me and listen for the answers.

    In this moment – what do I want?

    answer – to get connected with myself

    In this moment – what can I do?

    answer – breathe

    In this moment – how do I feel?

    answer – tired

    In this moment – what can I do about it?

    answer – breathe

    In this moment – how do I really feel?

    answer – scared that if I give myself permission to not do anything that I will lose momentum and will never pick it up

    In this moment – Is this the truth?

    answer – I know that when I really give myself permission to do what I need in the moment, I am energized and on task

    In this moment – what do I see?

    answer – trees shimmering in the breeze, my computer screen, my office and scattered papers

    In this moment – how do I feel

    answer – I feel that I am Here

    In this moment – what do I want

    answer – to post this blog and go outside in nature and enjoy the fresh air.

    So off I go to live in my moments.  Give yourself permission to get connected with yourself and your moments.  When you get the answers from your inner wisdom about what you want to do – take action and do it.  Give yourself permission to “let it go“, the shoulds, the coulds and the have to’s.  Enjoy your day.

    Blog with you later,