A very real moment!!

Last night a young woman, who is a very close friend of our family, came by for a visit.  This lovely young woman has had numerous challenges in her life lately and is having to live with the consequences of previous decisions she has made.  She phoned me earlier to say she needed to come to see me and sounded quite distraught.  I have been a mentor and coach to her over the years and knew she was going through a difficult time .

While I waited for her to arrive I decided I needed to get myself grounded and into the moment.  My tendency with this young woman is to try and save her and make her feel better.  I will often give her suggestions, ideas, compliments etc. trying to build her up and make her feel good.  Interestingly enough I have noticed lately that I often hear myself talk more than I hear her talk .  Who has the problem here???  I think my discomfort with the situation makes me think that I have to come up with a solution for her.

I know for myself, when I am feeling low, I cannot stand it when people say “it will be alright”, “you should do this, or you should do that” etc. I feel that they minimize my problem and try and placate me.

I wanted to be in a good place for her.  I gave myself 15 minutes to be in the moment – I sat in my living room, breathing deeply, quieting my mind, focusing on the present moment sights, sounds and sensations in my body.  When she arrived, I felt quite relaxed and centered.

She was crying inconsolably and was angry and very hurt about some things that had occurred earlier in the evening as well  as the situation she is in.  I said nothing and gave her space to cry and be sad and for probably the first time I was okay to let her feel her feelings. She spent the next 1/2 hour or so, venting, crying, yelling, swearing and feeling her pain and I sat there quietly sending her loving thoughts, believing in her ability to get through this and did not get hooked into thinking I should “FIX it”.

After she had her meltdown she started to calm down.  I suggested she take some deep cleansing breaths to help her get connected with her body which helped her calm down further.  She then quietly fell asleep and slept through till this morning.

As a life coach and a mother of 3 grown kids, it has always been my mission to help people feel good, to take away their pain, to alleviate their suffering especially someone whom I am close to.  Since I started writing this blog, I am practicing being in the moment more and more each day.  What I realized from getting myself grounded and in the moment is that I am better giving people space that giving people answers. Last night is confirmation to me that this is where I want to be.  I believe the outcome for the relationship between this young woman and me is a deeper respect for each other.

I DO NOT know what she needs to do to make her life better, all I can do is be the space for her to find her own answers within her. I can offer her perspective but only if she asks.

The feelings I am left with from last night are a sense of calm and peace within myself.  I was honored to be the space to help her be real and find her way if only for that moment !!

Take care and I will blog with you later.


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